Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Fat Guy and Bike...Together Again

I made the trip from Penn State to Cloumbia, MD and back again on Sunday to pick up my bike and finish cleaning out my apartment. My bike is now in my laundry/storage/bike room.

I haven't ridden my bike yet because Monday I moved into the new Fat Guy World HQ, Tuesday was my first day of work at Swift, and today we are running a test with TDRSS. I did take some time on Tuesday to walk around the industrial park/suburban development where I now live. There is no direct path from Fat Guy World HQ to work, but there is a roundabout way that is totally walkable and/or bikable.

I am concerned about my front brake. I'm no bicycle mechanic, but it don't look right. One pad is significanty father from the rim than the other. I will have to take it to The Bicycle Shop and have it looked at. My first adventure in LBS repair.

Deface some coins...

Those are pennies being used as seatstay caps on a cool Sycip.

Here goes a web site about smashing pennies. Oh, wait, this site is better.

I have two smashed pennies and a smashed 2 cent Euro coin in my collection.

The top one is the Lord's Prayer which I got by accident. I think I'll give it to my Mom for her 79th birthday. She's kind of a holy roller.

The bottom one is the one I really wanted, Natural Bridge, VA. You'd think Natural Bridge, VA would be like a national park or even a state park, but no. It is more like a tourist trap, but they did have a penny smashing machine.

I got the coin in the middle in Germany, at a castle along the Rhine River, near St. Goar. It is a smashed, errr, elongated 2 cent Euro coin. It cost 50 cents Euro to make it, a bargain.

Interestingly, the company that makes the machines is called Eurolink Design. Coincidence? Spooky!

Bike of the Day

Litespeed Firenze

Firenze is Italian for Florence, i.e. the city in Italy.

I didn't have a race bike, so I bought this titanium bike to go fast on. It has a Litespeed all carbon fork, 9 speed Ultegra drivetrain and Mavic Cosmos wheels.

I just got back from the maiden voyage, so here goes the useless ride stats:

Distance: 15.22 miles

Maximum speed: 34.7 mph

Average speed 18.1 mph

Ride time: 50:14

This is a new personal record for this ride, which is actually a three mile loop that I do five times. It must be the bike...

Bicycle Airspeed Indicator?

I was challenged to come up with a picture of or a link to the 'bicycle airspeed indicator.' I was not successful, but I did find this nifty picture. Those kooky Wright brothers, with their wacky experiments. Everyone knows man will never fly. So bicycles begat airplanes...

Anyway, look at those stylin' handlebars and that fixed gear drivetrain!

"Mama, Mama, the Italians are coming!"

Comic book guy voice: Best.Cycling.Jersey.Ever.

Is Breaking Away the greatest bicycling movie ever made? Yes, it is. If you disagree with me I will stick my pump in your spokes. You wouldn't want that.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004


Sideways Bike

Now for something completely different:

Yes, it is the sideways bike.

Why do the people who invent these things always have the slightly demented look? Think he gets a lot of dates?

Bike of the Day

Co-Motion Supremo

Big Blue.

From the fine folks at Co-Motion Cycles. This bike causes a commotion wherever we go.

We got it from Mel at Tandems East. He's a prince.

Those silver things on the frame tubes are S&S couplers which allow the frame to be disassembled for travel. It goes in a big sturdy Anvil-style case.

This bike has it all, from the Wound Up carbon fork and seatposts to the FSA carbon cranks. It is light and very fast. I only own half.

Monday, June 28, 2004


Bike of the Day

Rivendell Rambouillet

Creamsicle? Pimp daddy special? Rivendell Rambouillet.

Shimano Ultegra triple with STI.

White Flite saddle.

Lugged stem.

Nitto water bottle cages.

Those are Honjo fenders which are hand hammered in Japan.

The wheels are Dura Ace hubs laced to Mavic Open Pro rims.

That orange thing mounted on the stem is a bell.

The Fat Guy helped me with the customization of this bike. I wanted to paint the transmitter for the wireless computer to match the color of the fork, so it would blend in and be less obtrusive. He got the "Testor's Roadstar Floria Orange Pearl Colors By Boyd Coddington" spray paint which was a perfect match.

Sunday, June 27, 2004


Curious George

Hans Augosto (H.A.) and Margret Rey escaped the Nazi invasion of Paris. They fled Paris with the manuscript for Curious George by riding bicycles from Paris to the border between France and Spain.

"Where do ya suppose she lives?"

That is what Jack Nicholson said in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in the scene where he was looking at a deck of pornographic playing cards while being interviewed by the doctor in his intake inerview.

Tell the Fat Guy that chicks like the one pictured above dig cyclists. They like my smooooooooooth shaved legs.

Bike of the Day

SJS Cycles "Fixed Wheel Training Frame"

Gotta love those Brits. The opposite of a freewheel must be a fixed wheel, right? Well, on this side of the pond we call 'em fixed gears. The fine folks at Saint John's Street Cycles saw the need for a purpose built fixed gear road bike. So they commissioned a fine Taiwanese builder to construct these frames, which have their kooky idiosyncrasies.

For instance, it has a derailer cable stop on the right chain stay, which is sorta barely visible in the photo. Why? I dunno, but I think that the bikes might be built in batches and that might explain it. Stay tuned.

It also has internal rear brake cable routing. That is, the cable for the rear brake runs throught the top tube. What rear brake, fixedgear? I don't know.

The eyelets on the dropouts would come in handy for mounting racks and fenders, though, something that might come in handy in rainy Britania or even Seattle.

Mine has a Profile carbon front fork that I got from the fine folks at Beacon Cycling for a song.

It has a Shimano 105 crank set, 165mm long, with a 42 tooth chainring. This drives a 17 tooth Euro Asia Imports track cog which despite its name claims to be made in the USA.

It has red Look pedals that I got on Ebay, and a red Sella San Marco saddle that I got from Richard Sachs who claims to be the only place in America where you can get them in this lovely lipstick red shade.

The wheels are Suzue "Disco" hubs laced to Mavic Open Pro wheels, shod with Panaracer Pasela 700 x 28 tires.

Oh, yeah, it has a Chris King headset, possibly the best bike part one can buy, truly a work of art.

A cool feature is this:

No, not the pin-up girl although she is very fetching. This bike has two brake levers controlling one brake. I got the idea here and as they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Useless stats from todays ride:

59.47 miles

3:48:31 total ride time

33.5 mph max speed

15.5 mph average speed

We rode through Lancaster County, crossed a few covered bridges and stared at the Amish. I didn't coast once.

Saturday, June 26, 2004


Does cycling make one impotent?

Much debate surrounds this issue. At the turn of the 20th century, the U.S. Patent Office had two divisions. One handled patents relating to bicycles, and the other handled everything else.

Everything you can ever imagine with respect to bicycles has already been invented, patented, tried and forgotten. Saddles are no exception. Here is an interesting article about impotence and cycling.

Some folks like cows, some folks like kangaroos, and some folks like sheep. Me? I'm into leather. And chains...


Who is that guy with Bobke?

Friday, June 25, 2004


'Nuff said


More Team Building: FitChick Joins the Team

The Fat Guy is pleased to announce another addition to Team Fat Guy. FitChick has joined our staff as a contributor and Personal Trainer.

FitChick has worked with people in 10K training, trained a pro boxer, taught indoor cycling (and cycled herself), worked with people in triathlon training, trained people for for weight loss and cardio improvement, and helped people with mind/body (yoga, pilates, tai chi) training.

FitChick has done 5 marathons, 3 half marathons, five 10Ks, and two 5Ks (as warmups). She has also done some sprint distance triathlons in her spare time. She could crush my wittle head with her quads, and looks really great in bike shorts.

Welcome FitChick, we look forward to hearing from you.

The girl arrives

Fat Guy now has a chick on his team. Someone else to kick him in to 100 miles. Or drag him there. Or something like that!

Penn State Dual Suspension MTB

My brother the Serious Cyclist usually buys me Penn State items for my birthday and Christmas. This would be cool:

And you don't even have to wrap it! Just kidding, that would be too expensive of a gift.

Thursday, June 24, 2004


Subcultures Collide 3: Human Power and RF Power

I think these are good examples of the intersection of two technical hobbies, bicycling and amateur radio. In the UK you have Bicycle Portable Operation, across the pond here in the States you have the Bicycle Mobile Hams of America and a cyclist who likes Riding The Airwaves.

This guy even has a morse code key built into his shifter.

Subcultures Collide 2: I Know You Rider

Which would go better with an Official Grateful Dead Bicycle Jersey, the Dancing Bear Bicycle Socks or the Steal Your Face Bicycle Socks?

More Dead/Bike trivia: Gary Fisher is the inventor who created the mountain bike in 1974. He used to do lighting for Grateful Dead shows. Roll away...the dew...

Crashes happen

We hope this does not happen to the Fat Guy. This rider was riding a high wheel or penny farthing, the original fixed gear bike. I have one of these, a reproduction high wheeler made by the Coker Tire Company. The farthest I have ridden it is just a few miles, though I did ride it while weraing a rainbow head wig in a Haloween fun run at work.

Mmmmmmmm, cycling + math

How bicycles really work.

Formulae! Calculate the effects of bearing drag, hills, headwinds...

Fat Guy: I bought this book: Bicycling Science. Any book about cycling that mentions The Reynolds Number must be cool.

How Bicycles Work

From Howstuffworks, here is an article on "How Bicycles Work". (Hint: your feet go on the pedals.)

This page also included a link to

See TdF on the Big Screen, View Huge Bob Roll Head

See the Tour DAY France on the big screen! View Bob Roll's head much larger than life, and it is for a good cause.

When the Fat Guy and I were kids, we lived across the street from a movie theater. This is so long ago that it was a one-plex, that is it had one screen. Circa 1972. I rode my Schwinn Sting Ray in the parking lot. More on that later.

On Memorial Day weekend, they brought in a huge truck mounted satelite dish, generator and miles of cable and showed the Indy 500 on the big screen. People brought coolers and stayed all day. This will be much better.

Amazing Wooden Bikes

The Amazing Wooden Bike Company sells bikes from Indonesia that are made out of teak. I have never seen a wooden bicycle before.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


Beautiful Women of Cycling

PezCycling News - The Riders' Source For Racing News has a feature (Safe For Work) called Daily Distractions, which frequently features the beautiful women of cycling.

The June 23rd edition also has an article that asks "Will Jan return as the Tour God?"

Team Building

The Fat Guy is pleased to announce an addition to Team Fat Guy. fixedgear has joined our staff as a contributor and Cycling Coach.

fixedgear has nearly 15 years of serious bicycling experience, has done a couple dozen centuries, including two fixed gear centuries last season. His interests include road, MTB, tandem, commuter, and fixed gear bicycling. Welcome fixedgear, we look forward to hearing from you.

Jan Ullrich's autobiography

Jan Ullrich's autobiography, entitled "Ganz oder gar nicht" ("All or Nothing") will be in German bookstores this weekend. According to excerpts printed in the latest issue of the German magazine Stern, Ullrich talks about a difficult childhood with an alcoholic father that "terrorized" the family before leaving. Ullrich hasn't seen his father since.

Ullrich also talks about his doping suspension after testing positive for amphetamines in 2002, which he insists came after a wild night partying when he took a dose of the party drug ecstasy.

"I want to beat Armstrong this year," Ullrich said in an interview with Stern. "I want to beat him man to man."

Tuesday, June 22, 2004


Lance Armstrong Fans

Let's see...Velogal has a GOLANCE license plate...Greg Dooley says Lance is a bad ass (plus has links to Lance Armstrong eBay auctions)...and Lancelot Armstrong's friends call him Lance.

Subcultures Collide: Bicycling with your PDA

The first piece of Bicycle Support Equipment I bought was a BikeBrain from VeloTrend. BikeBrains are not available anymore, I found mine on eBay. The ending price was like $6.99 plus $8 to ship. So for $15 I got software, a mounting bracket, and a cable that attaches to a PDA. This lets you trend all sorts of things, plus even make cuesheets and store your rides for later analysis. Hence the company name VeloTrend.

Another piece of software called Bikini is available that lets you use a PDA as bike computer, but you have to homebrew the sensor for it.

Words of Encouragement

I started this bikeblog because I was unable to find a central source of information about bicycling for overweight or obese people. Most articles I found were ones that stated the startling conclusion that if more people in America would cycle, maybe less than 60% of Americans would be overweight or obese.

I did find a couple interesting articles doing a search for fat cycling (that were not related to nutritional fat), Fat Bastards in Lycra and Overtaking...words of encouragement. Amusingly, those last two posts are from the Cycling Plus Web Forum.

Monday, June 21, 2004


Lance: 190, Fat Guy: 180

So on Lance's Five Battles Won they said that his heart rate climbed to 190 during the time trials at the Futuroscope. His RHR is 32, so you can imagine how hard he was working.

I can get my HR up to 180 just by riding casually. Obviously I have work to do.

Ullrich Wins!

This just in from, "In an incredible, nail biting finish of the 68th Tour de Suisse, German Jan Ullrich (T-Mobile) has claimed the overall victory by a solitary second over Swiss favourite Fabian Jeker (Saunier Duval)."

Ullrich has been previously criticized for being overweight. In response to this story my brother the Serious Cyclist remarked "He [Ullrich] looks pretty skinny here..."

Peripheral Circulation

About two years ago I participated in a nutrition study at the Human Study Facility of the Beltsville Human Nutrition Research Center. The study was called something like The Effects of Chronic Black Tea Comsumption on Blood Plasma and Lipoprotien Transport in Male Smokers, but it was commonly called the Smoker's Tea Study. My study was a longer term follow-up to this Tea Study.

Smokers were chosen for this study because they have extensive peripheral circulatory damage. Ultrasounds were needed of our brachial arteries, and a smoker's damaged brachial artery shows up better on an ultrasound than those of healthy people.

One reason I am getting into bicycling is to improve peripheral circulation. I plan to quit smoking also which will aid in circulation improvement as well as mitigating my COPD.

Tour du Park

The Baltimore Sun has an article in today's edition about the Tour du Park, a chance to cycle through Baltimore's neighborhoods via Baltimore's park system, Hon.

For those of you familiar with Balmore, Shock Trauma was not a waypoint on the ride.

Props to Fat Guy's Peeps

Some of the SOHO, ACE, WIND/POLAR, IMAGE and MAP folks, along with noted romance author Robyn Amos surprised the Fat Guy with an excellent going away party and calorie fest at the Old Ebbitt Grill in DC on Saturday. Good times.

"So Fat Guy, aside from calories, how does this relate to bicycling?," you might ask. Well let me tell you.

While outside the Ebbitt having a smoke, the Fat Guy thought he saw his bike locked to a parking meter. Upon closer inspection, the bike turned out to be a Trek 7300, the next model up from Fat Guy's Trek 7200 and apparently 100 better, although the 7300 does not come in Black/Silver like my bike. If College Park Bicycles had a Trek 7300 in stock, I would have considered that, that bike is basically my bike with a better group.

Sunday, June 20, 2004


PA Bike Route G

Pennsylvania has six Bicycle Tour Routes. I knew one of them, Route G (pdf), ran near State College, but I wasn't aware how close until I was at State for a Malindi Ground Station End to End Test. Route G goes through Boalsburg. We drove along it for a bit on our way from the Penn State Mission Ops Center to Duffy's Tavern for lunch last Thursday.

My new place is about 3 miles from Route G, maybe 5 miles to Duffy's Tavern, I hope to work up to those distances.

Bike's Trip: College Park to State College to Columbia

So, here is my bike's story so far. I bought the bike last Tuesday at College Park Bicycles, and drove to State College, PA with the bike in the back of my Saturn. The bike stayed with me in the hotel room. Rather than leave the bike in State with Mark at the chalet, I drove back to Maryland with the bike on Friday.

Saturday I was meeting friends in DC for a going away party, and I did not want to leave the bike in my car at the Metro station, so I took it to work, and left it in my office.

Sunday I had to go in and do some work. I picked the bike up, and took it to my friend's house in Columbia, MD, where it is presently hanging out in his shed. I'll pick it up in a couple weeks when I am back in Maryland for work.

I've had this bike almost a week, and the only actual miles on the bike are the 0.08 miles Koala the bike shop girl pushed the bike to my car.

Saturday, June 19, 2004


Dancing even on the top

I had forgotten this, but Tour de France is not just a bicycle race, it is an '80s song about the race by Kraftwerk.

Anodizing Aluminum

How about this? Anodize your own bike parts. I sent this link to my brother, and he bought the Anodizing Guide. He had a red "Pimp Daddy" chainring on his fixed gear road bike, so I thought he would like this site.

Clause 17: No Bicycles

Get this. The guy from my company who is moving to State also says his landlord told him that he cannot have a bike. I asked if he meant that he could not park it on his patio or balcony. He said, no, he could not have a bike period. Huh? That is insane.

Geek Bike Light Project

Yeah, the Klorg Geek Bike Light is pretty funny and interesting, but it is not as cool and useful as my Dynohub powered defibrillator.

Infinite Gears

So my brother Serious Cyclist likes to ride fixed gear bicycles. In fact, he has ridden fixed gear centuries. While he prefers bikes with unity gear, I would like a bike with infinte gears.

The problem with a bike with infinite gears is that the universe is finite. A bike with infinite gears would exist at every point in the universe simultaneously. You couldn't go anywhere, you'd already be there. Well, at least your cassette would be everywhere.

Plus infinite gearing would make the bike really heavy. And it would take an infinite amount of time to service your bike, so you would probably just leave it lying around the universe and not ride it.

Friday, June 18, 2004


Ullrich Fat?

I obviously need better blogging software. Check out this guy's bikeblog, I have linked to a post called Ullrich Fat? He's not heavy, he's Jan Ullrich.

Fit Eye For The Fat Guy

So here is my treatment for the Fat Guy Cycling TV show. It will be a combination of This Old House, Learning To Fly, Wayne's World, and of course, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Fat Guy uses product.

Act 1: Me and the Serious Cyclist will start out in studio that looks like his bicycle workshop. We'll go over to the whiteboard and discuss what we'll be doing that day, for example learning to use clipless pedals. We'll banter back and forth for a while.

Act 2: Cut to exterior shot where me and Serious Cyclist ride bikes. He berates bad techniques, and praises good techniques. I fall down a lot. More witty banter ensues.

Act 3: Back at the Serious Cyclist house, we discuss what we did in Act 1 and Act 2, drink expresso, eat biscotti, and answer viewer mail. We might have interviews with various cycling personas. I'd like to interview Bob Roll, Sheryl Crow (she rides), Jan Ullrich, and the black cat that felled Marco Pantani in the 1997 TDF.

I figure most anyone who sponsors The Lance Chronicles would want to sponsor my show. I would like to have Capitan Morgan as sponsor like The Lance Chronicles.

Why I am not getting an USPS bicycle jersey

My friend and serious cyclist Eric asked me if I was going to get an USPS jersey as part of my Bicycle Support Equipment. I said NO! Nothing says dweeb better than a fat guy cycling wearing a jersey like that. Besides, I don't think that they make plus-size XXL USPS jerseys. By plus size, I mean fat.

The only that might me look more dweeby would be a wool Faema jersey like Eddy Merckx wore. Oddly enough, the Faema jersey comes in XXL, which is about the size Eddy and me are wearing these days.

I might get this Penn State Cycling Jersey, or maybe this Penn State Jersey though, they both come in XXL, and that should fit me. Got to represent. "Be true to your school, like you would be to your guy or girl", as the Beach Boys would say.

Lance uses an iPod

So on another episode of The Lance Chronicles, I noticed that Lance was on a training ride in Spain, NOT wearing a helmet, and listening to an iPod. Both are unsafe practices, and the Fat Guy advises against them.

Charles Barkley may not be a role model, but Lance is. We don't want those little kids in the hospital that run to window when Lance rides by in that Nike commercial to emulate bad cycling practices.

Marco Pantani

It has been suggested that the best running mate for President Bush would be Zombie Ronald Reagan.

That got me thinking, which zombie would do the best in the Tour DAY France? I think it would be Marco Pantani. He was the last TDF winner before Lance. As a former cyclist, he is smart and can use tools. Plus all that coke would make him a really fast zombie cyclist and a contender for the yellow jersey.

First he was "Elefantino", then he was "Il Pirata", now he could be "Zombie" Marco Pantani.

Bikes are not toys

I know my bicycle is not a toy, but I have been having fun playing with the various components (QR Wheel and V-Brake excepted) and Bicycle Support Equipment.

No, but I read about it in a book...

Someone asked one of our software developers, the guy in the office next to me that has a picture of him doing the 2002 Seagull Century on his office door, if he knew how to perform a certain server task. The developer said, "No, but I read about it in a book...". That pretty much sums up my cycling experience so far. When I read something about cycling, it makes sense intuitively. But my mileage is still only slightly greater than zero.

Specialized EMT Comp Multi Tool Lets Me Down

So in my frenzy, I bought a Specialized Multi Tool. It let me down on its first use!

My friend Mark stopped the hotel up at State with a couple beers. He asked if I had an opener. Normally I carry a Swiss Army Knife, but I did not have it with me. Not to fear I thought, I'll use my bike multi-tool, it has a bottle opener.

I couldn't get it to work! I had to call down to the front desk for a bottle opener. If the rest of the multi-tool performs as bad, I am screwed if a bike emergency happens. I should have gotten an Alien Tool. They are made out of the same stuff UFOs are made out of, alien alloy Elerium-115. Plus my brother has one, so it must be good.

The Specialized gloves are cool though.

Pre bike ride warm up

So I figured what my pre bike ride warm up will be. Putting my QR front wheel back on, and reseting my front V-Brake. Jebus, I was sweating all over the bike putting my wheel on. HR 100.

I'm convinced my front brake is messed up. One pad is 1mm away from the rim, the other is about 1cm away from the rim. I took pictures of it in the hotel room to send to my brother for his analysis.

Bike Vacation

So the first thing I did after getting my bike is go away with it on a business trip to State College, PA. I didn't actually ride the bike, I just drove back and forth with the bike to State.

Luckily the Courtyard Marriot messed up my reservations. Instaed of a smoking room with a king sized bed, I got a non-smoking room with two full sized beds. One for me, one for the bike. The bike is a good bike, the bike deserved to stay in the hotel room with me rather than hanging out in the car. Plus I got to play with all my bike stuff.

Koala - The Bike Shop Girl

She was cool, but she didn't know what RPM was (another co-worker told her it meant cadence). She also didn't know what a Kevlar Replacement Spoke was. I found them myself behind the cash register.

And it is a fun cat toy too!

I took some of my Bicycle Support Equipment off of the Fatcycle and packed it in my suitcase before I left State. Since I got home, I have been freaking out the Cyclecats Lance and Sheryl* with my rear blinky red light. Good times.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent kitties.

Fixed Gear Bicycles

For people who are not clear on the concept, or missed the previous comment from fixedgear, a fixed gear bicycle has no freewheel. That means you must always pedal, and can not coast. The number of gears a fixed gear bicycle has is unity.

A fixed gear bicycle should not be confused with a track bicycle used in a velodrome, like the Lehigh Valley Velodrome. While a track bike is a fixed gear bike, a track bicycle does not have any brakes.

While some regard fixed gear cyclists as buttheads, the Fat Guy admires their ability. That despite the fact that fixes are frequently like "Neener Neener Neener! I'm riding a fixed gear, I don't need no stinkin' derailers!" Mastering fixed gear cycling will make you a much stronger rider.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004


North to Penn State

The Fat Guy will be on hiatus a couple days. I'm heading to Penn State for work. I am taking the Fatcycle, maybe I will ride it.

Smoking in the Peloton

This is a great poster called Smoking in the Peloton. It is available from many places, just Google it.

Bikey Goodness

So I met Eric, and test rode the Trek 7200 again. The girl with the studded black Chuck Taylors waited on me. Out of all the bikes I tested, I thought this one was the most appropriate and comfortable. A cycling snob would probably hate this bike, but a serious cyclist would think it is a good choice for my fitness and skill level.

So the bike was $389.99. About $300 of add-ons brought the total to just under $700. I think this bike plus ancillary equipment is worth more than my POS 1996 Saturn SL1.

Most every accesory I bought had logical reasoning behind it, but I admit to buying a Cat Eye Light and a Cat Eye Cycling Computer because I like cats.

Stage 3

Today is likely the day I buy a bike. I am going to meet Eric at College Park Bicycles around 11:30, and finally spend some money. I plan to take the bike with me to State College tonight.

World Naked Bike Ride

Here is my obligatory World Naked Bike Ride link. World Naked Bike Ride Day was 12 June, the same day I test rode my second set of bikes.

Monday, June 14, 2004


1.33 Hearts

The Lance Armstrong Online Shrine has a line that says "Did you know? Lance's heart is one third larger than a normal man's." I wonder, do Jan Ullrich's detractors say that Jan's stomach is one third larger than a normal man's?

That obsessive woman outside Lance's bus

So on a recent episode of "The Lance Chronicles" they showed this woman, and by woman I mean psycho obsessive shrew, caterwauling outside the Lance Bus for an autograph. I can just picture the scene inside the bus. Lance's buddy "College" says, "Christ Lance, I'm tired of hearing this crap, I can't even enjoy my Peet's coffee. Sign a picture maybe she'll shut the hell up!"

I think it would have been cool if Lance signed the picture "Lady, you are such a tool, GO AWAY!", but of course he can't.

Jan Fan

So I saw on The Lance Chronicles where they were selling "Lance Fans" (you know, the kind of fan Southern ladies use when they get the "vapors") at the Tour de Georgia. Two thoughts occurred to me:

1) Lance Armstrong would not be as popular if his name was, say, Hubert Dingleberry.
2) I would like a Jan Fan.

Rode a bike - Stage 2

I was too tired to post this on Saturday 12 June, but I rode bikes for the second time since 1985. Once again Eric met me at College Park Bicycles. I test rode a Specialized Expedition, a (ladies, oops) Electra Townie 21, and a Trek 7200.

Had my heart rate up to 180. One reason I asked Eric to go bike shopping with was that I know he would call 911 if I had a myocardial infarction.

Increased my overall mileage since 1985 to nearly 2.0! Yay me!

Fat Guy's hero

In case you were wondering, Jan Ullrich is the Fat Guy's hero. Everybody is always calling Jan fat. I wish I was Jan Ullrich fat. C'mon Bob Roll and Phil Liggett, stop bustin' on Jan. Sure he puts on some weight in the off season, but he works it off by the time the season starts.


Rode a bike!

I convinced a friend and serious cyclist in his own right, Eric, to go bike shopping with me at College Park Bicycles, a (until June 26th) local bike shop with a great national reputation. If you are ever in the Metro DC area, you should go there, they treated the Fat Guy very well.

So on June 10, for the first time since 1985, I rode a bike. I sent the following email to my brother "Serious Cyclist":

So I rode nearly 1/100th of a century today. Had to stop and rest a couple times, HR was 170. Test drove a couple different hybrids, a Partner, and a Trek 50. I'm going back Saturday to test a few more. Out of the two, the Trek 50 was a better fit, and cheap too, only $219. At that price, maybe I should get two.


Why ride a bike?

I made a list of reasons why I should take up cycling:

(I will) Live less than 1 mile from work
(I will) Live less than 5 miles away from most stores, etc.
(I will) Live in an area optimized for biking
BMI = 40
29% body fat
Presently not active at all
Genetically pre-disposed to cycling
Brother is "Serious Cyclist", source for expertise
Could not cause me to get less fitter
Could not cause me to gain weight
Reason to quit smoking
Fun Engineering thing to do
I could be the poster child for people who allege that cycling will make you fitter
Convinced I am a natural
Still not as skinny as Jan Ullrich

A Little Background

My brother, who I will refer to by the moniker "Serious Cyclist" once posited that I could ride a century. Considering my history of lack of fitness, I found it difficult to hold the two thoughts of "Fat Guy" and "Riding a Century" in my head at the same time. He went on to explain the concept of a comfort or hybrid type of bike. (Obviously I wouldn't use a hybrid for a century, but as a re-entry bike.) I was unaware up until then of such a bike. I didn't think much about it for about a year.

Then one day (January 2004) I got a job which requires me to move to State College, PA, home of Penn State, my alma mater. Being a college town, it is very bicycle friendly. I decided maybe I should buy a bike.

I saw a Giant Revive, and thought it would be great. Serious Cyclist said it looked like a comfortable bike. By comfortable, he meant geeky. He suggested an Electra Townie 8, a comfort style bike with a Shimano Nexus Internal Hub, and without the extreme geek factor of the Giant Revive.

Saturday, June 05, 2004


The Beginning

Weight: 270
BMI: 40
Smokes: 50 cigarettes a day
Miles: 0

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